I’m traveling this week. Yesterday, it occurred to me that I
hadn’t written my blog entry for today. What to do? Time is too short now to
wax poetic. I could skip it all together this time. No, a few people might die
or something without hearing from me. So, I’m compromising. I will write about the traveling. Next week’s entry
is going to be weighty, though. I hope you’ll come back to read a piece near
and dear to me.
Anyway, the alarm went off at three in the morning so I
could leave by four to catch a five-thirty flight. I remember when we were
little and flew from California to Boston on an old prop plane that took ten
hours to get there. We wore our best outfits. My mother wore gloves and a hat
and stockings with heels. This trip, I wore baggy lime green shorts, a shirt
that didn’t match and flip flops. I decided to hold off washing my hair till I got there.
Boarding took forever as we waited in the aisle while people
stuffed things into the overhead. I mean it was like Cinderella’s step-sisters
trying to get their feet into the glass slipper: duffle bags, major suitcases, canvas
bags meant for dorm move-in day. One guy had a trunk. A woman stood up on the
armrest and grunted and groaned as she worked to get something in that was clearly
too big in every dimension. She all but took her foot and gave the thing a
shove. Finally, a guy from the back of the line yelled, “Lady, it doesn’t
fit.”
My seat was at the window. The guy next to me was too big
for his seat, so he just lifted the armrest between us and spilled over into
my space. Now that he was rubbing up against me, I noticed he had forgotten his deodorant
that morning.
The pilot came over the speaker to tell us they were working
on a ‘minor mechanical problem’ but we would be underway in just a few minutes.
I’m sorry, when I’m going to wing along at thirty thousand feet, I’d prefer the
mechanics give the plane a thorough once over when trouble develops. These
quick fix-it jobs just don’t cut it. It wasn’t ten minutes before we pushed off
from the gate and headed for the runway. They’d barely had time to get out
their screw drivers, but somehow we were good to go.
The flight attendant snapped us all to attention to give her
safety spiel. In light of the broken engine, or whatever it was, I paid
attention this time. The woman obviously read from a script, but there mustn’t
have been any punctuation in it because she didn’t so much as pause—ever—even
to suggest the end of one sentence and the beginning of another. She garbled
her words as though she had a lozenge (maybe 3 or 4) in her mouth. And because there
wasn’t the slightest hint of inflection, we couldn’t gather meaning from
emphasis. She said something about some piece of equipment at the window exits.
In case of a water landing we were supposed to do one thing and to be very
careful not to do this other thing. It sounded important. Did she say step over
or into? Roll it out to the left or to the right? I just knew this would be the
one piece of information that would save my life, and I’d missed it.
As I looked over at the window exit, I couldn’t help
but notice the teenage girl across the aisle texting as we gathered speed for lift-off. What was she thinking? I remember my days as a flight attendant. At the training academy they
drilled it into us: plus three, minus eight. The first three minutes of the
flight and the last eight are the most dangerous. I imagined the girl’s texts
jamming the signals and everything going haywire. The cockpit dashboard would flash
nonsense, or maybe nothing at all. Alarms would sound and air masks would drop
in front of us. The plane would stall, then nosedive into one of those
careening spins straight for the ground. I thought I might brace myself, but
then realized something like that calls for sheer terror accompanied by
hysterical screaming and no amount of preparation will make a difference.
Somehow we made it to cruising altitude without blowing up,
so I relaxed a little. Meanwhile, my seat mate had missed the whole thing. We
weren’t off the ground before he’d slumped over in my direction and started
snoring. I’m not talking about a little snort now and again. If the guy hadn’t
also been drooling, I would have thought he was trying to be funny. It was better
than cartoon snoring. It was the kind you can’t imitate without hurting
yourself.
A little later, the flight attendant came around with those
tiny packs of peanuts that now cost four dollars each. Fortunately, I’d brought
my own snacks. My pleasure in eating them was somewhat diminished, though, by
the hungry staring of other passengers. It was as if they resented me for
having brought good food and, although they could have brought their own food,
they’d neglected to do so and all they could think about was that they wanted mine.
I downplayed my goodies and tried to read, but a dog started
yapping from a couple rows back. At first, he sounded cute. Fifteen minutes
later, the cuteness had given way to a desire to put my hands around his snout.
Was it just me, or was this shaping up to be one of the worst travel
experiences ever? I still had another two flights to go before I got to Boston.
I would have to say it was likely better than bouncing around in the back of a
covered wagon with Indians shooting arrows at you but, other than that, it
occurred to me that I might be on the flight from Hell.
I stared out the window until we landed in Charlotte at 6:30.
The layover would be two hours. I found a little corner and sat down, but
couldn’t get comfortable. Pretty soon, I surrendered all manner of pride and stretched
out on the floor. There I was, one of those people I usually look at with
disdain, all sprawled out in public. I wondered from behind my closed eyes if I
had a stupid expression on my face. I didn’t care. Then it occurred to me that
someone I know might see me. That almost did it, but by then I was drifting off
and just resigned myself to be a laughing stock. There’s a kind of freedom in
letting go like that.
The next leg took me to Pittsburgh and then another one to
Boston. A bus brought me to Portsmouth, New Hampshire, from where I drove with
my brother up to Lake Winnipesaukee. It was after five when we pulled into the cove. I’d
been traveling for twelve hours by then.
Down on my mother’s dock, I looked out across the lake. The
water danced along and lapped against the shore, making that lovely sound lapping
water makes. The sun was setting beneath an orange sky that stretched from
behind shadowed hills already settling into their evening slumber. A
west-blowing breeze rustled against my face as it carried clouds from one place
to another with no apparent purpose but to travel a day’s journey, and then to
go from there. Behind them was a vast expanse, without shape or definition. It
was a space in which everything we dare to dream might exist. It was limitless,
like each of us would hope to be.
While the loons in the cove sang muted melodies from their
place in the reeds, my day of petty gripes slipped away. I, too, had traveled a
day’s journey and would harvest experiences to treasure, the first of which was
mingling with nature at one of its finest moments.
No, it wasn't the flight from hell, but it was close. I laughed all the way through, because *I* wasn't on the plane with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious that you'd be a star doing standup. Yes, I mean comedy, not standing up in the gate lounge at some airport.
ReplyDelete